re: letter

so here's the thing. about the letter.

I cringe everytime I think of it. it was more open and bare than anything I had ever told him, than anything I have ever told anyone. and the fact of its nakedness embarasses me because I don't do that. you know.
I don't put my emotions and thoughts all out there for people to see, I can't wear my heart on my sleeve the way others do without feeling incredibly vulnerable and pierce-able. (I know my faithful reader will applaud this, "progress!", but really, I hate it)

I suppose that's also why writing it felt so liberating and it enabled me to let go of everything. it was all out, there was nothing I wanted to say that I hadn't said in it.

But now that he is/might be responding, the thought of it terrifies me. I don't want to know what you have to say for a number of reasons.
i. because if it's good and you're trying to get me back, I might fall back in
ii. because if it's good and you're not trying to get me back, I might fall back in and wish that you were
iii. because if it's bad, I'll feel like a fool.
I don't know which is worse. let's add a 4th reason, to make it a multiple choice kind of thing.
iv. it's a reciprocal goodbye letter.

No, that's the same as ii. nevermind then. I'll just hope that he decided not to send it after all.


Chapter 1 runeth over. 1194 and there's more to write. say it with me ~word count~
and it's so easy after Chapters 4 and 5, leaving me with too much time to think about other things