yes, I'm disappointed in you
but we are only human after all


I suppose that's something I don't get, wilfully making the choice that you have knowing full well that it will hurt you in the end. I cling too strongly to my pride to consciously let myself do that which might be, is a fault on its own terms.

I guess in the back of my mind I'm afraid that I too might falter the next time I see S. That I might be prey to the same vulnerabilities try as I may. But then again things between S and I are not what they are between the two of you.
A lot has happened between April/May and now. And he is not a person who could stand up to me or who has earned my respect. I will hate myself if I succumb against my will again. Remember this.